You have arrived at a difficult and unpleasant time in your life. Perhaps you’ve
been there for years. As marriages begin, few people expect their relationship
will deteriorate to the point where they will search the internet for marriage
counseling, but as you probably already know, it happens often. I am glad that
you found your way here and that you are thinking about getting professional
help. I am an expert at helping others resolve problems with their relationships.
You have many choices when it comes to selecting a professional to help
improve your marriage. Choosing a marriage counselor from among the many
available can feel like a daunting task that often contributes to delays in
obtaining important help. Deciding when to begin work as a couple can also be
difficult. Some people, out of a bruised sense of pride, will delay indefinitely
asking for professional help believing that to do so is evidence of weakness
and failure. In fact, that sort of fixed and harsh judgmental thinking that people
sometimes have towards themselves and others is often one of the largest
obstacles that stands in the way of improving relationships. An additional
perspective, which seems wise and potentially more productive, suggests that
asking for help and taking the time to resolve important differences and focus
upon a relationship that one hopes will last a lifetime might also be considered
signs of intelligence and strength, not merely of weakness and failure.
Unfortunately, intense feelings of anger, fear and betrayal (to name just a few)
that can develop in relationships often lead to more narrow thinking, finger-
pointing and spouses taking entrenched positions which, when combined, can
make it difficult to think clearly and move forward out of the past. Perhaps in
most situations, when relationship problems develop, multiple views are
appropriate and thoughts and feelings often change after deeper reflection. If
both parties have a strong desire to improve their marriage, it’s likely that a
variety of marital therapy (or couples therapy) approaches and counselors could
be effective in helping a couple improve their relationship.
What People Sometimes Take for Granted
Developing and maintaining the ability to manage long-term relationships well
is not something that is automatically acquired as are the abilities to eat, sleep
and breathe. Instead, as most probably realize if they take the time to think
about it, developing and maintaining a long-term relationship with a special
partner is much more complicated. Marriage is easier for some couples than
others and when looked at closely is usually not too difficult to understand why
some relationships develop well and last longer, while others do not.
Many highly intelligent and creative people that encounter relationship problems
did not have the good fortune of witnessing their parents loving each other
consistently well. Despite having endured what can accurately be described as
living through such an experience, people are often unaware that they did and
have no sense of being disadvantaged by their experience growing up in their
family until, perhaps, they encounter relationship troubles themselves and
begin to fit together the pieces and search for ways to improve their own
relationship.
Even when people are aware that their parents had difficulty loving each other
consistently well, many people magically expect that developing and
maintaining their own relationship well for years, through difficult and changing
circumstances, will be easy for themselves and their partners. Persons
possessing such beliefs often spend years developing knowledge and
expertise in their own professions that they know others cannot have or
appreciate well without similar training or other significant experiences. For
instance, it's not likely many medical doctors also consider themselves car
repair experts and so when they have serious car troubles they're likely, with
little shame or hesitation, to seek the help of an auto mechanic with expertise
repairing their particular model of car. Doing so makes good sense for a variety
of reasons. Despite these conditions and understandings many people will
defiantly delay seeking expert help with their marriage difficulties, oftentimes
due to shame and magical beliefs that developing strong long-term
relationships should be easy.
None of this is meant to impugn the integrity of anyone’s parents, nor is it meant
to inappropriately diminish anyone’s own sense of personal responsibility. It is
possible to have great respect for one’s parents while also understanding that
they sometimes may have lived in ways that later made it difficult for their
offspring to thrive well in intimate relationships. Acknowledging difficulties and
briefly discussing their origins can reduce shame and other obstacles and help
couples heal, forgive and move forward with their lives rather than flounder
repeatedly. Marriage counseling can be a gift couples give not only to
themselves, but also to future generations.
How I Work
It can be difficult for counselors to convey to prospective clients exactly what a
marriage counseling experience will be like before work gets underway due to
the unique circumstances, expectations and needs of each individual and the
large number of important variables that are often involved in the work. With that
in mind, in a nutshell, my goal as a marriage counselor is to build a safe and
creative environment for exploring and exchanging thoughts, feelings and
desires. I try to nudge people into more clearly and consistently knowing and
feeling what they already know and feel (hopefully that makes sense to you). To
accomplish that, we take turns talking and listening in hope of learning things
that will help solve problems more effectively in the future. I invite you to contact
me to learn more about my services and to begin changing your relationship
today.
Located in downtown Palo Alto, evening appointments are sometimes available.
Written by Peter J. Young, Psy.D. licensed Psychologist, PSY 19563. All rights
reserved. None of this website may be copied, in part or whole, without prior
written consent.
been there for years. As marriages begin, few people expect their relationship
will deteriorate to the point where they will search the internet for marriage
counseling, but as you probably already know, it happens often. I am glad that
you found your way here and that you are thinking about getting professional
help. I am an expert at helping others resolve problems with their relationships.
You have many choices when it comes to selecting a professional to help
improve your marriage. Choosing a marriage counselor from among the many
available can feel like a daunting task that often contributes to delays in
obtaining important help. Deciding when to begin work as a couple can also be
difficult. Some people, out of a bruised sense of pride, will delay indefinitely
asking for professional help believing that to do so is evidence of weakness
and failure. In fact, that sort of fixed and harsh judgmental thinking that people
sometimes have towards themselves and others is often one of the largest
obstacles that stands in the way of improving relationships. An additional
perspective, which seems wise and potentially more productive, suggests that
asking for help and taking the time to resolve important differences and focus
upon a relationship that one hopes will last a lifetime might also be considered
signs of intelligence and strength, not merely of weakness and failure.
Unfortunately, intense feelings of anger, fear and betrayal (to name just a few)
that can develop in relationships often lead to more narrow thinking, finger-
pointing and spouses taking entrenched positions which, when combined, can
make it difficult to think clearly and move forward out of the past. Perhaps in
most situations, when relationship problems develop, multiple views are
appropriate and thoughts and feelings often change after deeper reflection. If
both parties have a strong desire to improve their marriage, it’s likely that a
variety of marital therapy (or couples therapy) approaches and counselors could
be effective in helping a couple improve their relationship.
What People Sometimes Take for Granted
Developing and maintaining the ability to manage long-term relationships well
is not something that is automatically acquired as are the abilities to eat, sleep
and breathe. Instead, as most probably realize if they take the time to think
about it, developing and maintaining a long-term relationship with a special
partner is much more complicated. Marriage is easier for some couples than
others and when looked at closely is usually not too difficult to understand why
some relationships develop well and last longer, while others do not.
Many highly intelligent and creative people that encounter relationship problems
did not have the good fortune of witnessing their parents loving each other
consistently well. Despite having endured what can accurately be described as
living through such an experience, people are often unaware that they did and
have no sense of being disadvantaged by their experience growing up in their
family until, perhaps, they encounter relationship troubles themselves and
begin to fit together the pieces and search for ways to improve their own
relationship.
Even when people are aware that their parents had difficulty loving each other
consistently well, many people magically expect that developing and
maintaining their own relationship well for years, through difficult and changing
circumstances, will be easy for themselves and their partners. Persons
possessing such beliefs often spend years developing knowledge and
expertise in their own professions that they know others cannot have or
appreciate well without similar training or other significant experiences. For
instance, it's not likely many medical doctors also consider themselves car
repair experts and so when they have serious car troubles they're likely, with
little shame or hesitation, to seek the help of an auto mechanic with expertise
repairing their particular model of car. Doing so makes good sense for a variety
of reasons. Despite these conditions and understandings many people will
defiantly delay seeking expert help with their marriage difficulties, oftentimes
due to shame and magical beliefs that developing strong long-term
relationships should be easy.
None of this is meant to impugn the integrity of anyone’s parents, nor is it meant
to inappropriately diminish anyone’s own sense of personal responsibility. It is
possible to have great respect for one’s parents while also understanding that
they sometimes may have lived in ways that later made it difficult for their
offspring to thrive well in intimate relationships. Acknowledging difficulties and
briefly discussing their origins can reduce shame and other obstacles and help
couples heal, forgive and move forward with their lives rather than flounder
repeatedly. Marriage counseling can be a gift couples give not only to
themselves, but also to future generations.
How I Work
It can be difficult for counselors to convey to prospective clients exactly what a
marriage counseling experience will be like before work gets underway due to
the unique circumstances, expectations and needs of each individual and the
large number of important variables that are often involved in the work. With that
in mind, in a nutshell, my goal as a marriage counselor is to build a safe and
creative environment for exploring and exchanging thoughts, feelings and
desires. I try to nudge people into more clearly and consistently knowing and
feeling what they already know and feel (hopefully that makes sense to you). To
accomplish that, we take turns talking and listening in hope of learning things
that will help solve problems more effectively in the future. I invite you to contact
me to learn more about my services and to begin changing your relationship
today.
Located in downtown Palo Alto, evening appointments are sometimes available.
Written by Peter J. Young, Psy.D. licensed Psychologist, PSY 19563. All rights
reserved. None of this website may be copied, in part or whole, without prior
written consent.
Peter J. Young, Psy.D. 550 Hamilton Avenue, Suite 228
Clinical Psychologist Palo Alto, California 94301
License PSY 19563 (650) 248-9958
Clinical Psychologist Palo Alto, California 94301
License PSY 19563 (650) 248-9958
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A Time and a Place for Reflection
Marriage Counseling in Downtown Palo Alto